West India Food

The dole gang set me up with this group interview to work as a cook in some Caribbean place in Stratford. There was four of us in there and I was the only one who had any cooking experience so figured I was a shoe-in. Just had to get through this role play kind of task and the job was surely mine. We got split into two groups of two and were told to pretend we had been given a ton of money and we had to set up our own restaurant. They wanted us to think of where it would be, what type of clientele we would be aiming for, how the inside and outside of the restaurant would look, what type of food we would serve etc. We had 8 minutes.

I worked in this deep south bbq restaurant in the states. It was a really nice place, served great food, was always packed and you don’t see them often so at least it would be something different. I remember everything about the place from the menu to the cheesy décor to how much staff you need etc. I figured I’d just ramble on describing everything I could remember and they’d be happy with that. We’d put it in Leicester Square to get the tourists. My partner had different ideas though.

Him: OK first thing we need to decide is the name, that is the most important thing

Me: surely we should agree on what type of restaurant it is first?

H: no the name is the most important, we need to come up with the name

M: OK how about Turtle Crossing (my old restaurant)

H: No, no. I have a good name. Write this down. The name will be West…India…Food

M: West India Food, OK right, time is ticking away, we need to be able to describe stuff to her about it

H: now we need to decide where the restaurant will be

M: alright well I was thinking about this deep south American restaurant, real authentic bbq place, I can picture everything about it, we’d have all these signs on the wall blah blah, I think Leicester Square would be the best place cause you get all the tourists there

H: No we need to have it in Stratford, there are lots of restaurants there, a lot of people, yes it will be in Stratford

M: But surely Leicester Square is better, it’s the middle of town, its packed there all year long. An American style restaurant would fit right in there

H: No, we have it in Stratford. There are no American people here, we wont do that type of restaurant

M: alright here, fuck, time is ticking away and all we have is a name and a location, what will the restaurant be like then?

H: it will be like a restaurant in the Caribbean

M: you’re just describing their restaurant, I don’t think they’re going to be too impressed if we set up a restaurant right beside them serving the same food. Anyway, what is the inside going to look like?

H: it…will…be…very big on the inside…and will be like the Caribbean

M: Here we have to be able to actually give a presentation and talk about the inside of the place in detail in about 2 minutes time. Listen we don’t have time anymore, I have this idea I can describe the whole place to her, its got old school booths and a picture of a cactus on the wall and these cheesy signs, one says “please corral the kids” and theres another on the way out that says “you are now leaving Turtle Crossing, back to grim reality”. Theres going to be corn bread and the best bbq sauce which we’ll sell bottles of to take home too, there’ll be a band on Fridays playing old funky music, a real family place

H: No, no, its called West India Food and it’s a Caribbean restaurant

M: right give me something, what type of food will we have?

H: We will serve…chicken

M: Jesus. Chicken, anything else?

Woman: OK, time up, who would like to go first?

My man sticks his hand up like we have some amazing idea he cant wait to tell her. This is going to be good

W: Oh great, you have £20 million, what is your restaurant like?

Big smile on his face like he is about to knock her socks off

H: The restaurant will be called West India Food. And it will be in Stratford

W: Oh some competition, OK, keep going

Big smiley head on him, he thinks he’s on a roll, he’s got it in the bag

H: We will be serving chicken, and rice…

M: I, I mean we have this idea for a deep south American bbq place, real family place, old fashioned, has pictures of cowboys blah blah

W: Oh so you’re going to have like a mix of the America’s, you have the deep south kind of mixed in with the Carribean, oh lovely

M: yeah sure why not

W: And how much will you be charging for say one main meal?

Big smiley head on him

H: £20

W; that’s a bit expensive, even for kids?

H: (smiling and nodding)

M: actually we were thinking no more than a tenner

W: OK so moving on, what type of restaurant have the other team got?

The other group actually talked about buying an island and having people fly over especially to eat there. I didn’t even get called for an interview, what a load of shite