August 2013
My
hair is getting too long for summer but I’ve one day on a period drama (Turner) and need to keep it
that way. In hair and makeup the lady runs her hands through it and whispers “you have grey hair.”
“Grey?”
“No,
fantasteek!”
On
set I wander into a circular lecture room and take a random seat next to the
stage. Most people on set are pretty old but I guess I got in on account of my 17th century curls. When the lead comes in and takes up his spot I realize I’m pretty close
to the action.
That’s
me in the red there.
Unfortunately
for me I’m only there a couple of minutes before an AD comes and moves me off
to the side.
At
first I’m pretty happy with courtside seats but then I look around and see
there’s only one other person in the whole section so it’s obviously out of
shot. Go long is the professional term I think.
They
do the first take. The lead is up on stage rambling on and we sit there
attentively listening. At the end someone to my left starts coughing
uncontrollably and we all look around.
For
the second take the director says to be a bit less attentive and shuffle around
and cough and yawn and stuff. Next time on background action it’s like everyone
has the plague; the whole place is coughing so much you can barely hear the
actors. I on the other hand am yawning like a pro on account of only getting 4
hours sleep. But it’s all for nothing.
After
lunch they shoot a close up of the guy having the coughing fit. He is literally
4 seats to my left so I figure I’m definitely getting in this shot. Then they
fill up the dud seats around me so I’m even surer.
The
camera man comes in to set up the shot and everything looks great but then he
goes “wait, you can move out altogether.”
I
point at my chest and let out a meek “me?”
“Yeah
you go on.” He says. “Ah that’s much better now.” I take my place outside the
hall where I belong.
Next
shot is over on the opposite side and they stick me in on the far right but
from the angle of the camera I’d say I’d be lucky to get my shoulder in shot.
And
that’s a wrap. Another day as one of life’s peripheral figures comes to an end. But then just as we’re getting ready to leave the head of
costume stops in front of me and says “he’s perfect.” He picks 3 more guys and
sends a photo of us over to the director. I’d never heard of the director (M.L.) but
did a little reading while I was waiting and saw he’s a bit of a big deal. Word
has it I’m the chosen one so they stick me in a different costume, slap a
moustache on me and send me over to a different set to meet him.
I
arrive with an AD who tries to introduce me but the director just launches
into what’s going to happen in my scene. “So he walks out of the lecture
theatre, down the corridor and as he comes towards you...” Unexpectedly I
interrupt this description as I feel obliged to shake the directors’ hand, you
know on account of him being a big deal. My right hand has slowly been raising
from my side all the while until eventually I stand there blankly with my hand
out straight like I’m waiting for a bus. In mid sentence he stops, looks up at
me, then with a hint of frustration he repositions his cup of tea to his left
hand and obliges to the hand shake. It isn’t a very convincing shake at all
really and we continue. I can barely even concentrate on what he’s saying. This
is it, my moment, just me and the lead together for a scene, acting.
For
the real actors the director tells them what they should do for between every take but in my case he tells his AD who then wanders up to relay the message to me.
But it’s a small corridor and I’m the only person in it so I can hear
everything he says. First time he says something like “tell Neil he needs to be
more natural, after he sits back down let his eyes follow and then look back to
see if anyone else is coming and then relax.” Then the AD strolls over knowing
that I heard everything but has to be seen to pass the message on. I try to
look like I’ve just heard it for the first time.
After the second take the director says “perfect
from Neil.” The AD comes over and says “that was perfect.” This only serves to
make me more nervous and with every take I start over-thinking it and become
the most unnatural usher there has ever been. Loads more takes later and we
eventually get through it. Then someone shouts out “special for Neil.” (Thats and extra 30 quid.) Then
everyone starts saying it and telling me I did a good job. I milk the attention
for a while then walk off unnoticed, occasionally turning back wondering if I
heard my name again.
As
I’m signing out another AD asks me if I’m planning to keep my hair cause if I
do she’ll have loads more parts for me. I begin to tell her I have an interview
tomorrow for a well paid job in reality but then realize I much prefer doing
this sort of unreliable work in fantasy land so vow to keep my hair and let it
grow. I offer her my number but she says she’ll get me through the agency no
bother.
September
After
the summer things kind of slow down so I start looking into other agencies to
add to my portfolio. I’m with two of the biggest ones but there are loads more
out there and one in particular that everyone talks about. I sign up for one I’ve
never heard of and start to get tons of offers straight away. Something fishy is
going on here surely. I begin to think I’m not really in the right age bracket
for most of these offers.
October
Art imitates life and I get the call to play (be an extra as)
a tailor in a film. While I was home the lads were joking that I was to play
the lead in a new porno called ‘Jlmmy SaviIe Row.' At the fitting the costume designer says I look awful young to be a
tailor. The times they are a changin,’ I think to myself as a little smug grin
appears on my face. Oh yes, the times they are a changin,’ ha ha ha ha ha..
There
were 5 of us, all with some sort of tailoring experience and all wearing
matching outfits, which I thought was a bit silly. It was like we were the bad
guys in a bond film but instead of working on a new rocket we would be all
making a new suit and then when Bond enters we’d attack him with our pins and
sleeve boards. Unfortunately only one of us got used for the scene which
had himself, two legendary actors, and a smoking hot model all in a line
together. Where was I for this scene? Sitting on a cold double decker bus
munching on a sandwich.
I
did get a nice hair cut though and they pay you like 20 quid for the privilege. I decided from then on that I wouldn’t be paying for hair
cuts no more. As
long as I get on a film every few months I’ll be sorted.
November
With a little encouragement I put myself forward to
be a guy walking around a hospital with my trousers around my ankles. I don’t
end up getting it but I think because I had the balls (literally) to go for it
they get me 4 days on the same sitcom which works out a lot better.
December
4 days work on Siblings - my longest run yet. I’m
down as a kiss guy – a guy that gets kissed by the lead actress at a funeral.
Have to say its bloody exciting that I’m going to be mooching someone on
screen. Who knows what this might lead to?
First scene we’re outside a church freezing our
balls off. I’m
with this one girl most of the time who’s an actress (that’s what they all say)
and we get talking to the priest for a while. He’s only here for the day. Turns
out a good few people are only around for the day, sucks to be them.
Inside the church it’s pretty cold too but someone
gets us singing hymns to pick the spirits up and after a while you kind of
forget that we’re on a set. The actors are right next to me chatting away and I
feel like telling them to shut the fuck up, we’re at a funeral for crying out
loud.
They leave us hanging outside for long stretches so
we’re all delighted when the cold mini bus pulls up to take us home. All anyone
wants to do is go home and get warm but there’s this one very nice but very
boring German girl talking about scary movies in my general direction. She’s in
the seat in front of me but has turned around so she can talk to me properly.
I tell her “I’ve heard German’s don’t believe in
ghosts.”
“No, well I don’t. Do you believe in ghosts? I do
like scary movies though, do you like scary movies?”
“No not really.”
“What type of films do you like?”
“I’d watch anything really, I just don’t really
like scary films.”
“And what type of films do you like the best?”
“Eh, I like comedies, I guess.”
“And which comedy is your favourite?”
“Dumb and dumber.”
“Ah, is that a German film?”
“No, its American.”
“Why does it have a German name?”
“It’s not German, it just sounds it the way I say
it.”
“Ah and who is your favourite actor?”
Bloody hell I’m way too cold and tired for this
sort of endless small talk.
“I don’t know, lets say Jim Carrey.”
“Oh I know him (laughing) he was in Bruce Almighty
right, I saw that film.”
OK, she looks content with my answers. She smiles a
satisfied smile and does a half turn till she’s facing a girl on a seat across
from her.
“And what type of films do you like?”
Poor girl had zoned out ages ago and is completely
taken by surprise by being asked a random question out of the blue. “Eh I’m
more of an action kind of girl, I like action movies, yeah.”
“Ah, ok…And what type of action movies do you
like?”
Bloody hell it feels good to be free.
Day 2
Yesterday was the funeral, next 3 days are the
wake. Hit with a thunderbolt first thing in the morning while eating my dried
out fry up: on my chit sheet it doesn’t say kiss guy anymore. There’s just a
blank space next to my name where kiss guy used to be. I say it to the AD and
she tells me at the moment I’m a potential kiss guy. What a potential
disappointment! Instead of kiss guy I could have been patient with trousers
round his ankles so this better happen; I dont want to have thrown that away
for nothing.
They’ve turned a normal persons house on a normal
street into the set for the rest of the episode so now the street is packed
full of mini vans and white mobile home things which I’m not sure what they do,
and toilet cabins and stuff. An AD pulls open the door of our van and goes
through the first scene. The general plan is we’re going to be standing around
the front room miming and looking a bit sad. Sounds simple enough, but on the
way over this Asian guy pauses in the middle of the street to ready
himself, takes deep breaths, focuses the mind, etc. For a good minute he’s
standing there staring at the road like he’s getting ready to burst in there
and produce an Oscar winning performance. All we’re going to be doing is
fecking standing there.
Miming is a real pain especially when you’re miming
with over-acting extras so I was glad when I was told I had to do a non miming
bit of action. An AD picked me out for the task because “they like your hair.”
All I had to do was stand at the food table and put a load of food on my plate
then walk out of the room past the camera. We did this about 10 times and every
time we cut a prop guy would come over and take my plate and rearrange
everything back on the table. What a job, that’s what you go to film school
for.
Back in the van I do some asking around and it
turns out there are 4 potential kiss guys but they only pick two so I’ve a
50/50 chance. My competition is a smaller guy with a beard, an Italian guy with
a curly fro and the Asian guy. The actor who she thinks she kissed is tall and
thin with short dark hair. Just like me. If it’s not him it has to be someone
similar right, right?
Back on set I spot another tall dorky guy talking
to the actors; one more piranha in the fish tank for old Gill.
Day 3
2 days down and no mooching yet.
There’s 16 of us in our band of extras and I have
to say it’s a pretty good and random group to be spending this much time cooped
up with. In the morning 6 of us gather round my phone and watch a video of the
Dior Dancers from 1960. One of our boys was in the group when he was younger
and they were a bit of a big deal, played in Vegas and all, best in the world
at what they did he tells us. He’s 80 years old now and still pumps ze iron
down the gym. You can see from the video that he’s a man who was never held
back by the phrase “if you cant lift her don’t shift her.” We all have a nice
little chuckle at the end when they lift old Brucie away.
His wife was a model and you could tell they lived
the good life. Older women always tend to take some sort of motherly shine to
me and she was no different. She gave me a big whopper speech about living my
life and not being envious of other people and be thankful for what you have
and also that I should get into modeling. He said I should get into modeling
too; he made £300 for one day as a hand model. Maybe I should be a model; it is
my life long dream after all. They said I should be an actor too while I’m at
it, sure why not? I did like them; they were the smartest couple I ever met.
There’s a new extra on set. He’s walking around
with a couple of photos in his hand like some director is going to spot him and
beg for the photos off him. Only problem I see is that he’s desperately
unattractive. The poor guy has long grease ball hair, spots and moles sprouting
everywhere. Turns out he’s a kiss guy too which is obviously some kind of joke.
We have enough kiss guys as it is, we don’t need anymore fucking kiss guys.
Most of the day is shooting a scene where two of
the lads throw the sister out cause she’s making a scene. I’m standing in the
hall at the time and as we’re shooting outside a lot we have to wait or cut
every time there’s noise outside. First they’re shooting in the front room,
then in the hall, then outside so we do a million shots. There’s buses going by
all the time, the street is completely jammed up with crew everywhere, they’re
dragging this girl out kicking and screaming over and over. Then one time they
rush past me out the front door and just as they get out they have to cut
because of a car coming down the street. Everyone shouts cut and they start to
get ready to shoot again. Next thing the car slows to a crawl, almost stops
dead, the window rolls down and this guy in full view and ear shot of lots of
normal people shouts in his little Indian voice “when are you going to finish
this bastard thing you bloody fucking idiots?” Then he waits for a reaction or
an apology or something. There’s a pause that seems to last forever, and then
everyone, I mean absolutely everyone, simultaneously bursts out laughing in his
face. In the house we’re all scrambling to get a view of this legend. The
laughing keeps going and going. Faced with this
unexpected wall of laughter he rolls the window up and drives off rather
sheepishly. By far the highlight of the week.
Frank and Sam, the two lads throwing the sister out, are
getting on great with her. And I’m getting rather jealous. The rule is
you’re only allowed talk to the cast if they talk to you first. Otherwise
you’re another annoying extra and there’s a good chance you’ll be taken away
and no one will ever hear from you again. But throwing someone out the door 20
times is enough of an ice breaker and the cast seem pretty sound on this one
anyway. She actually has a great personality and is really funny. And down to
earth and all that other stuff you say about actors. I wonder will sparks fly later,
she’ll probably ask me out or something.
Later on we're all waiting in the van and the guy with the beard gets called out to go on set. One down. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I try to take my mind off it by talking to the
Italian guy. I mainly want to find out if he knows anything I don’t. He’s not
Italian but Hungarian and has this big mop of Sideshow Bob hair which he says
is directly linked to him getting non stop work since he got to London. After a
year in showbiz culminating in a full 10 days of solid work it’s pretty clear
to me now: if you want to get regular work you better either have a proper
beard or fucking mental hair. Or be a baby.
Growing up I really thought that a beard would just
be something that would come along eventually but for the life of me I just can’t
force one out; it’s just too patchy. My hair is my only hope.
The guy with the beard has a beard and look at him,
he’s probably in there mooching her right now I’ll bet. An AD brings him back
with a big smile on his face and then she takes the Asian guy. What the craic is
going on?
Then they come and take Sideshow Bob, ah fuck this.
“You have a girlfriend, you couldn’t do it to her
man, don’t do it.” I beg.
“If it’s acting it’s ok” he says with a wink and a
spring in his step.
There’s a long 20 minutes then the door opens.
“Neil you are the lucky winner this time.”
Oh my God oh my God.
Sideshow is outside. “What happened, what did you
do?”
“Nothing, she just asked 'did I kiss you' and that
was it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’s you, you’re the one, you get the kiss.
Good luck!”
I cross the road then pause to look at the ground
and steady the nerves, take deep breaths, focus the mind, etc. You can do this.
They bring me into the front room and sit me down
on a lonely chair in the middle of the room. I’m as nervous as a man can be and
most likely bright red. The cameras are pointing at me, everyone’s looking my
way with misplaced expectation. The first AD has the biggest smile
on his face when he shakes my hand then says “Have we introduced Charlotte to
Neil?”
She arrives out of nowhere, shakes my hand, and
sits on a chair beside me that has appeared out of nowhere. She’s going through
her lines to herself a few times so the conversation isn’t exactly flowing then
she says “Oh, do you know what’s happening?”
“Eh no.”
“Oh I come up to you and say ‘did we kiss when we
were 12, don’t answer straight away, think about it’ and then….”
And then the first AD rushes over and says “OK
Neil, we aren’t going to use you on this one, could you stand outside please.”
Another AD brings me out to the hall and by the
time I’ve turned around Frank or Sam or whatever his name is is sitting in my
seat. I stand there on my own in the shadows and look at the back of his head,
a red mist descending. He’s 20 years older than her for flip sake, when she was
12 he was 32.
The scene ends and he doesn’t get a kiss either. I
can’t take anymore suspense, just get it over with.
Then I hear my name being called out and I’m on
edge again. Then the front door springs opens and out of the darkness enters
the greaseball and scares the shit out of me. A bolt of lightning in the
background would have been perfect. We’re both brought into the front room and
sit down together in the corner. I’ve got a plate of chips but no dip, can’t
remember what he had now. The director explains to us what’s going to happen
this time so obviously it’s a pivotal scene. He’s talking to us both but its
more directed at my friend beside me.
“So Charlotte comes over and asks if she kissed you
before (him, not me.) You guys say no or something like that, just make
something up, and then she is relieved and says ‘Oh good, I was worried it was
you for a minute,’ OK?”
Ha, classic, they brought in an ugly guy just for
the day. We need an ugly guy on set, stat! He really did not give a shit
though. So she asks if she kissed him and we both say no or something. What
will I say? “No,” I’ll go with “no.”
So she comes over, bends down with her hands
leaning on her knees and interrupts our miming session.
“Sorry to interrupt you guys, just a quick
question: did I kiss you before?”
I begin to say “no” in what I’m well aware of is a
very low toned voice. However it would be pretty hard to speak over scene stealer supreme.
He takes a novel approach and goes “NooooooooOOOOOoooooooOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOooooo!”
for about 10 seconds while lifting his head high and looking all around the
room over and back. Just as he’s about to pass out from lack of oxygen the
director shouts cut and runs into the room.
“OK” he says “next time maybe Neil if you could
just say ‘I don’t think so,’ let’s go with that.”
I don’t think so, brilliant, I get to reenact my
hero Kevin McCallister. 4 words is more than anyone else has gotten all week.
Nice one for trying to steal the show buddy.
We do the scene again, I say my line and worry that
I didn’t say it loud enough, and then she is grateful that she didn’t kiss…who?
Me? Have I become the ugly guy now? She looked at him but then she looked at me
also and she didn’t really emphasise the fact that she’s glad she didn’t kiss
him. She looked at us both equally. I was supposed to be a kiss guy and now I’m
an ugly guy, how the mighty have fallen.
We shot it a few more times and I kept saying my
line. For some reason they wanted her to pause after I said it so there was
just a little mumble then silence then her talking. It was awkward as hell. The
microphone guy was really trying to get the microphone as close to me as
possible but it was probably no use. Then they did another take and interrupted
me and said “Neil if you could not talk this time” and I’m like yeah maybe give
me a heads up next time but they didn’t want me to say it any of the next
times. It was all very confusing. Is she going to kiss me now or what?
Day 4
We’re in the mini van outside the house ready to
rock.
German girl talking about the episode: “Do you
think this is funny? I think this is funny.”
AD comes in and tells us about what happens next,
Charlotte finds out that it was her brother who kissed her. Everyone reacts
accordingly and has a little laugh.
German: “oh now I know why it is called siblings.
And which one is her brother?”
Someone: “The tall blond one.”
German: “That’s nice. But they don’t look like
brother and sister.”
We’re all sitting around on chairs lined up in rows.
The bro is beside me looking a bit worse for wear, sister is covered in twigs
and her clothes are ripped. The stressed daughter of the deceased is fretting
about and going over her lines very in character. She’s talking to the director
about when is her cue to sit down.
Director: “Charlotte comes in the door and when she
says ‘I will dropkick you both in the dick’ then you sit down.”
Daughter: “OK then, sit on dick.”
Director: “And I want more of a look of horror in
your face, turn away in shock when she says ‘I stepped in lots of animal
shit.’”
Daughter: “Got it. Go on shit.”
For the puke scene everyone has to turn away in
disgust and look all shocked and all. The over-actor girl from day 1 is beside
me reacting like the holocaust is playing out right in front of her. I, on the
other hand, cant help but let out a little smirk. It’s pretty unrealistic to
have everyone looking so shocked;
someone is going to find a person puking on themselves funny, it’s a numbers
game. For the next shot they tell me to stop smirking.
And then it’s over. For some reason I still hold
out a little hope right till the very end that I was going to do a kiss scene.
Slightly dejected I make my way back to the van.
But my spirits soon pick up as Frank, Sam and I
decide to go out for drinks after, still in our suits. It’s one of them ones
where you go out early after work on a Friday and the smell of a bar mans fart
is enough to get you all giddy.
I get ID’ed straight away but Sam rushes up to the
bar man and shows him his card and says “its OK, I work in fraud
investigation.” Somehow that means something to the bar man and he gets us 3
San Miguels. We have a bit of an initial
how’s it going laugh with the bar man and then he asks where are we coming
from. I say straight away “from a funeral” and we all burst out laughing. The
poor guy gets very thrown off, offers his condolences and then we don’t see him
again for the rest of the night.
Flashback. Sam on a broke down train with two gin
and tonics to himself. Offers one to the guy opposite him. The guy asks him if
he’s ever tried being an extra and gives him his card. This week he’s told work
that he’s off sick and is just hoping they never see the episode.
We have a right old laugh and get ridiculously
drunk. Later on in some other bar Frank formulates his master plan for me
scoring someone. The plan is I’m his nephew and I’m over for a funeral
(eh, buzzkill). It’s my first time in London and I want to meet a nice English girl
while I’m here. I’m staying in Franks place in Woolwich but in the unlikely
event of bringing someone back he wont actually be there, instead my housemate
Joe will be asleep in the front room. It’s a very crap story and I don’t even
really see the need for one but he keeps running with it and eventually some
oul one with shoulder pads is forcing her tongue down my throat. She’s ten
years younger than Frank but even he keeps referring to her as an old granny.
Not exactly the kiss I was waiting all week for. Don’t join the
movie business you’re only going to be disappointed.
January 2014
Things
start off well on the extras front for the New Year. I get confirmed for 12
days on a period drama which would give me enough cash to be very lazy for a while.
First
up: costume fitting. In the mail it said we were part of a circus and in my
profile I have as one of my skills that I can juggle so I was thinking I might
even have to do a bit of juggling on screen or whatever. But when I got to the
fitting I found out it’s a FREAK circus!!!! And they got me in cause I
obviously look like a bit of a freak I guess? Some of the guys there were
really rough looking with hunchbacks and all, big huge hairy beardy guys, some
guy who had something wrong with his leg but I can’t remember what it is now,
and then me: fresh faced and bushy tailed. It just doesn’t make sense.
I
had a nice bit of growth going before the fitting but then I shaved that
morning cause no one told me otherwise. Usually they want you to shave,
sometimes they don’t but they rarely tell you in advance. No matter what I do though
I regularly make the wrong decision. If I had of known it was a freak circus I
wouldn’t have shaved or washed for weeks. Instead I just made myself look about
10 years younger.
One
of the costume guys kept looking at me and saying “he looks so young, he just
looks so young.” He was a bit like here we’ll take your photo but I really
don’t know what you’re doing here and then snaps a picture of me while looking
away.
Then
to add insult to insult over at hair and make up they said “oh your hair is
fine but is there any chance you could grow some stubble for the film, you
know, just man up a bit that would be great,” and then they all laughed in my
face. Man up! I vowed from that day forth to grow a beard like I’ve never grown
a beard before!
Two
weeks later: cut. From the film. Half of us
were let go cause the costumes weren’t right or we weren’t freaky enough
looking or something.
I
promptly shaved that scraggly mess off my face and had a long hard look at that
mop of mine. The hair at the front is so thick compared to the top of my head;
its like gravity is making it slide forward down towards my forehead. When I go
for a run it just flops up and down and bangs into my eyes. I needed to keep my
hair for my extras, eh career, but I had to get it out of my eyes. I snipped
away a bit from my fringe and then pulled at the curls on the side of my head
and gave them a chop too. It was so long that it didn’t really matter if I
fucked it up you wouldn’t really notice anything.
What
followed were a few barren months in extras land while my hair needlessly grew
out of control. Every few weeks I’d take another few chomps from my massive fringe and
side curls while leaving the back untouched until I eventually developed
something of a pikey mullet. A couple of people started to notice a rat’s tail
at the back.
May
A
breakthrough. For the first time in my life I can reach my hair into my mouth.
A momentous day for sure.
Another
breakthrough. A football commercial saves the day again. Football shoots seem
to be the one thing that most extras are picky about doing. People just aren’t keen on standing in empty stadiums for
hours pretending to cheer on an invisible team. But this one turned out to be
one of the best days yet. You always have to spend a lot of time sitting on
buses and waiting areas so it makes all the difference if you’re with a good
group. This time there was about 20 of us and we all got on great and had the
craic. Then at the end of the day they tell us that me and one other guy won’t
be getting used. One minute we were slightly important and going to be taking
up most of a scene then the next minute we were unimportant and signing out
early. This show reel is going to be pretty short.
June
I
have the same hair cut as Glen Hoddle to tie in with the world cup.
Another
football commercial. I’m one of the first ones there and can tell straight away
that it’s going to be one of those boring days. There’s an old guy on the bus
with an umbrella cracking terrible jokes and every time he gets to the punch
line he laughs his head off and stamps his umbrella on the floor.
The
AD comes in and says there’s 20 of us on set today. Old dude goes “is that meant
to be representative of their average home games? Ha ha ha.” Bang bang bang
goes the umbrella. “I was just here on Saturday but I didn’t know where the
stadium was so I asked a local copper. He said use your eyes, follow the crowd.
So I did and ended up at the local wimpy burger. Ha ha ha.” Bang bang bang.
Who
do I get stuck with for the first take? The comedian of course. I guess he
noticed my blank expression at his jokes though and kept them to a minimum and
was sound enough. Turns out he’s a recovering obese man; I think that’s the
technical term for it.
“I
just started to cut out the meals between meals…between meals.” He tells me. “One
time I ate 18 weetabix and that was just a snack. I would have finished the
pack but I ran out of milk.”
I’m
off the weetabix for a month now so this sounds very appealing. “Bloody hell. Did
you use one big huge bowl like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall?”
“Well
no, I think I had about 6 in a bowl at a time and had to refill. I had a gallon
of milk at the start but ran out as I said. I would have finished the pack.”
Then he took out a comb and ran it through his beard.
After
2pm they let most people go and the rest of us had the longest break in
history. I sat upstairs on the bus on my own most of the time and switched between
reading a shit Bill Bryson book and falling asleep. It was like a greenhouse up
there.
For
the final scene the AD set everyone up to walk back and forth within a few
yards of a chip shop. Then he took me and brought me about 30 yards away, miles
out of shot. I was like here I’ll get my coat don’t worry about it.
He
asks my name as he’s walking me towards the horizon.
“Neil,
how’s it going?”
“Hi
I’m Liam. People often get confused and call me Neil.”
“Yeah
people tend to call me Niall, well more so at home but not so much here.”
“Oh
right. OK, you stand here and I want you to run just past the chip shop when I
give you a cue.” He starts to walk away then turns and adds “thanks..eh..Niall.”
“Yeah
don’t mention it NEIL.”
July
Extremely
disappointed not to get the orgy scene or the double for a guy who I think is a
bit of a legend (not Rowan.) So disappointed that I start to question why it is
I haven’t had a hair cut in 9 months for the sake of a couple of days work.
It’s just too fucking hot for it at this stage. I make up my mind that I’m
getting a hair cut this week, enough is enough. But then out of the blue I get
a mail asking if my hair resembles that of the following 18th
century douche bag looking guys. It’s for 3 days on a film in August. I look
like every one of them. The hair cut will have to wait. Just when I thought I
was out they pull me back in.
August 2014
I
still haven’t seen or heard of that AD who promised me all that work.
