Housemates thoughts on life

On Tottenham:

Took hours to get home, couple of crashes on the 406, ended up going through Tottenham which I’d never done before. That’s a shithole, which I knew.

 

On office workers:

Its not real work what they do, is it? Sure what do they do all day: grovelling, sending emails, making cups of tea stabbing people in the back.

 

On the floods:

Fucking 'ell they live in a fuckin' flood plain what do they expect?

What did Noah do, did he ask the government or the fuckin Romans for dredging and sand bags or what? they would of said "here we’re gonna chop your head off, build a boat and fuck off!"

 

On the tube strikers:

(on the way to work in work van) Damn should have checked the lottery I could be a multi millionaire and I’m going to this place. I’ll check at Hyde Park sure. I'll still go to work and back just to waste a bit of diesel though. Take the day off, join them cunts on strike. Buy them all a cup of tea...and a bar o' soap.

 

On the credit crisis:

Them Americans giving mortgages away to anyone: smack heads, crack heads, don’t matter.

"Yeah I’m an entrepreneur."

"What have you got as collateral?"

"A shopping trolley and a bit of copper wiring."

 

On a miserable tube staff member:

This guy is the most miserable cunt. Either his dick fell off, or his bollocks...don’t have one, or he just can't have a shag. It's like he has a lemon in his mouth...for-ever!

 

On taxi drivers possessing a sense of direction:

That means your good at memory. You’re a thick cunt but not in an intelligent way

 

On parking tickets:

I feel like going back up north and getting a great big shire horse and I’m gona sit on my big shire horse and they wont be able to give me a ticket for nothin'. I’ll say "ere stick it on my shire horse" and they’ll stick it on his 'ead and he’ll fucking eat it and I’ll say "there you go you cunt."

On shit phones:

Pay peanuts for a phone you get some sort of monkey shit

On the run:

(some dodgy people upstairs have taken their numbers down off their door and somehow taken away their letterboxes too. We've had a couple of mice in the kitchen lately.)

I’m kind of on the run too I guess, with the way I moved to London years ago. But I’m more of on a jog whereas they (people upstairs) are running.
(Later talking about lack of community in London) Yeah its shit here for society and getting to know your neighbours, unless you’re on the run

On our jerk landlords restrictions:

No animals allowed either, but as much mice as you like

On his employers stinginess:

I went on one of them courses and it was all about if the glass is half full or half empty and well its half empty if I’m working for them. I can't afford to fill the thing, fuckin 'ell

On career prospects:

If I lose my job I cant stay around here, I’m just going to start walking mate. Yeah do a forrest gump on it and just walk. Cant be sticking around here, fuck that