Developments

Monday 

Get up at 11 on account of complete indecisiveness about what to do. Going out in public with the biggest hickey (remember them) there has ever been is the main thing holding me back. Get a call about doing a nude shoot on Thursday for £200, say I’ll do it. After the call I remember I’m still committed to the beer shoot (£550) happening some day this week. Get a call back an hour later. They want my balls. They first want me to send them over a full frontal picture but they really want me. How the hell am I going to take one of them with no mirror? Going to have to ask Joe to close his eyes and do it. I tell him about my commitment to the beer commercial happening “some day this week”. They were supposed to get back about it today but no word. He’s going to have to take me off it. I say I’ll ring back in the morning as soon as I hear back from them.

Hit the outdoor gym, cook some food, have a nap at 7. Go to bed before 12 but cant get to sleep til 2ish, wake up at 2:30 for a leak and can’t get to sleep till 4ish. Nude shoot and beer shoot are running around my head non stop. I better not miss the nude one cause of holding out for the beer one that might not even happen.

Tuesday

Alarm goes off at 5:45. Somewhere between 2 and 3 hours sleep. Make sure to wear a collar. Luckily the shop is empty so I can nip to the changing room for a couple of pics. I don’t look anything like I thought I do. It’s so surreal to look at.

I start cutting a new pair of dark blue linen trousers. Get a call out of the blue from a trouser maker on the next street. He asks will I come down. Say I’ll be down in two minutes. Says he’s looking for someone Monday and Tuesday, when can I do a trial. I say now. Last time I did a trial with him I was hungover, this time I’ve had no sleep. Start doing some pressing first, learn a thing or two. He tells me to press the belt loops but don’t cut the thread that you need to turn it inside out. He talks awful fast and mumbly. I cut the thread.

I do some mark stitching. Thankfully it has improved a lot in the last year. He shows me how he puts on a bar for a baste. He steps out and I fish out the thread for the belt loop and start to turn it inside out. I start on the smaller one too but stop half way through on both just in case I’m missing something. He comes back and is happy with my work. He picks up the smaller one and starts to turn it. I pick up the big one, pull it too hard and snap the thread. Go do some pressing. This is a shit way of turning belt loops. Says he’s happy with my mark stitching so we break for lunch.

Decide that I’m going for the nude shot. Go balls deep! He says to send pic over asap. Mooch off starbucks’ internet making sure my back is firmly against the wall. Pic wont send. Run up Savile Row to the shops wifi, hair wont stop hitting me in the face. Finally pic sends. Run back down Savile Row and to the trouser makers. Explain to him why I was late but not making much sense and he couldn’t care less. He asks me to put on a bar for a baste and steps out. I pretty much have the gist of his way but find the last one he did hanging up and copy it exactly. He comes back and says it shows I’m a quick learner. He’s definitely happy with my work, have this in the bag. Gives me some side stitching on a line the whole length of the side seam. The icing on the cake. My finishing is a thing of beauty nowadays. Do it well and get a thumbs up. Do some felling on side adjusters. Impressed again he gives me more to do.

I was meant to be out at ZDDZ at 4, its pushing on 5. If this trial didn’t come up I would have been on my way well before 4. I say I have to go out to make a phone call and ring the number I got from Dasha for Masha. Dasha is a friend of Daria who I know from surfing. Daria mailed us both on Sunday saying Dasha needs some help with her fashion show for her company ZDDZ. Dasha is working on getting her visa so won’t be back for a couple of days but says I can go out to the workshop and ring her colleague Masha when I get there. I’m not going to make it at all at this stage so call her to rearrange.

Its fairly blustery out. “Hi is that Masha? I…”

I cant hear her at all so step into a doorway for shelter.

“Hi is that Masha? I got your number from Dasha.” This sounds ridiculous. I can’t make out what she’s saying and start talking louder. “I can’t hear you, is that Masha? It’s Neil, I was talking to your friend Dasha.” This just sounds stupid.

“Sorry you have the wrong number.”

Fuck I cant ring again after that ridiculous call. I run up to Savile Row for the wifi and send Dasha a mail to get Masha to ring me instead. I run back down and finish the trial for 6 then head back up to Savile Row to get my bike. 

My arms are tired on the cycle home, which is weird. Later on I get a text from a Maria asking can I come in for 10 tomorrow. I can only assume Maria is someone who works for ZDDZ as well. The woman on the phone did sound English; maybe I had the right number after all. I tell her that’s fine, does she want me for the day or what’s the plan. She says she doesn’t know the plan, but will decide on the place. Decide on the place, what does that mean? I text her saying I’ll see her at the studio; just to be sure. She says cool, thank you. Hang on a second, there is no Masha. Dasha meant to say Maria but predictive text must have changed the RI to SH. I did have the right number for Maria but kept asking for Masha over and over. Maria is Masha. Ah ha.

Wednesday

In bed by 10 but predictably don’t get up till 8:30. On the way to the bathroom to brush my teeth I take on a mouth full of water. After a few seconds I notice that instead of using my mouth muscles to rinse my mouth out I’m just shaking my head to move the water around. And it’s not even shaking really; I’m slowly turning my head from side to side, like I’m saying “no” under water. That’s the most effort I can muster, boy am I wrecked.

I get out to Bethnal Green which is in fact a mile and a half longer than I was told on google maps. Up on the fourth floor I awkwardly bundle my bike through a couple of doors and see Maria standing inside the studio expecting me. Rather than introduce myself or shake her hand I ask will my bike be OK there but its in front of someone’s door so I put it against the other wall just outside the studio. Inside the studio I take off my cycling shoes and change into my runners. Then I take off my gloves and put them in my bag and take out my sewing stuff. Finally I look up and say “Hi I’m Neil, are you Maria?”

“Yes, hi I’m Masha.”

She’s definitely not English. “You’re Masha? But I thought I was meeting Maria?”

“I am Maria.”

“I thought you just said…”

“Masha is Maria.”

Neil doesn’t understand. I look at her like a confused puppy.

“Masha is Russian for Maria so either one is fine.”

“Oh right. So I was talking to you on the phone yesterday?”

“No, Dasha said you tried to call but she gave you the wrong number.”

“But I checked and it is your number. Did you get a call at like 5 o clock yesterday?”

“No. Someone else must have got it.” She laughs and walks over to the table and takes a sip of tea. “So you’re friends with Dasha right?”

“No, I just talked to her about this for the first time the other day.”

“But I thought you went surfing with her or something?”

“No I’m friends with her friend Daria from surfing.”

“I know” She smiles knowingly. “Daria is Dasha.”

This can’t be possible. “But I have them both on facebook, they can’t be…”

“In Russian, Daria is Dasha. I’m talking about Daria. I call her Dasha”

“Oh right.” I’m very, very confused. “yeah I went surfing with her a couple times. So you know Daria too then?”

“You mean Dasha?”

“The one I went surfing with.”

“Oh, yeah she comes in here sometimes.”

“Cool. So when is Dasha coming back?”

“Oh she doesn’t work with us anymore.”

“But it’s her label?”

“Oh, Dasha? She should be back tomorrow”

“We’re going to have to come up with a way to distinguish between them.”